not enough art

i'm beginning to think that art, by nature, is self destructive.

you create and create and find yourself getting somewhere only to find that somewhere has gone somewhere else. hopefully we recognize this. i think we do far too rarely. how do we tell?

excellent question and i have no idea what the answer is, only pseudo profound statements claiming nonsense ideas to fulfill some ambition of creating an interesting blog post. so as s.k. said of the trip up the tower, stop now, or be lead where you want not to be lead.

creation leads to pseudo-sentience. the creation becomes artifically self important in our minds and only by destroying it time and again do we find what it wants to be. at some point, touch by nature [1] kills more than it creates.

we become what we create. is this good or bad? i don't know. i think, for the self, it is a healthy form of growth. i think, for the created, it damages. it moves from being what it is to being what we are and that divide breaks down and the created becomes the murk in between.

perhaps creation should be done both ways. creation with self projection to find ouselves so that we can move on to creation without to create what wants to be created.

creation of what wants to be with rejection of self to destroy preconcetions and cyclic incestuous self dilluding manifestations of selfish self. to find where we ought to be and not where we are.

lo! hahr! and ak-analleka!

how do we fix it? step back once in a while and destroy it and bring it down to nothing to find where it has gone while we were high on where it was.

alle ist die scheisse.

np: "drowning man," u2

[1] heisenberg. i had to put an academic style citation for sake of absurdity. go drink some nitro glicerine.

guns and safety devices

i was at an ohio wal*mart with my brother while home for christmas and such. he needed to buy boating flares, saftey alert beacons that shoot off sparks to warn people you're in trouble and to call for help. he had to show his id and have the salesperson get them out from behind lock and key behind the counter.

turning around to leave, they had various kinds of gun ammo sitting on the shelves where anyone taller than 3 1/2 feet could probably reach.

um????

nature

how arrogant do we have to be to pretend humans are the only part of the world? and to underestimate ourselves through intentional ignorance?

lost

where am i today? sometimes you know you're in regression--needed regression, for a few days. it's sort of the mental equivalent of sleep. intense creative energy comes and goes and in between you take in the energy of others' creativity. i spent the afternoon finding new and old music that i have never owned to turn sideways what i hear to change (in a small but significant way) what is around me to find somewhere new to start. and i watched two great films i once dismissed.

ironically, this last spurt of creativity on my part will come, at best, to very little. it might bring something from its two-year existence on a hard drive (actually 4) to the consciousness of an obscure corner of an obscure corner of graphicsfolk (already an obscure corner in itself). is it great? no. it's limited by what it is. but i don't see it going any further. which i can't say about much i've made.

sony

i bought a cd yesterday. i double checked to see which record company had produced it. i did this last week too. i guess some matter of trust has disappeared, regardless of who claims what.

the bear would be extremely disappointed.

np: bjork, "bath", _drawing restraint 9_

romulans

apparently, if you live in toronto and actually watch tv, i can be seen in a commercial for _star trek nemesis_, airing sunday on citytv. i'm pretending to wait to buy coffee along with another dgp grad student, a romulan, some starfleet woman, and a couple other random folken.

in reality i had already bought the coffee. it's sitting on the counter just out of view. i was discussing the film _chicken little_ with the other grad student while they videotaped.

np: elephant talk, tony levin band.

you own "march of the pigs." we recommend blondie.

more itunes curiosities:
if you say "i own it" to the offspring, the recommendation list quickly seems to assume all you listen to is punk.
if you own one obscure nin single, they recommend every other obscure nin single.

np: peter gabriel "diy" (from _plays live_)

browser title bars

attention browser-designing folk...

so this address bar thingee...it's broken! for some inexplicable reason, i still like to type out the full name of websites i want to visit. i use bookmarks as reminders of things to look at later, if i'm sufficiently bored (aka never), rather than as a list of commonly visited places. it's sort of a filter. if i can't remember the adddress, i probably don't care.

so why is it that whenever i start typing a website address for a site that i only explicitly visit once in a great while (e.g. "www.goo )" it wants to autocomplete it with something like "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=address+bars+are+broken&btnG=Google+Search?" maybe because i've accessed the website many times via the search box and so on. at any rate, it's fairly difficult for me to get to a site's front page. at least difficult enough to trigger my "computers are so $@%@#ing stupid" response. granted, it's only pressesing the delete key, but still...

ok, enough of that ranting for now.

now

it's never too early to get started on your midlife crisis.

beside contentment

on this bright and sunny day in fashionable e-town, i find me myself and i awake and away from rest inside, considering the whys and whats of where we are.

some pieces of our lives fit mesh and mend well into who we are.

some tear scream break and dismantle every last shard of our own being, leaving us with but a thought. me myself and i, what is this?

why what when and how? where is it going? how is it?